8 Pillars of Codependency

Identity issue

Your sense of self and purpose is rooted in a subconscious belief that has you believing you heed to be a people-pleaser, rescuer, or caretaker wich leads to enabling, self-sacrifice and resentment.


Self denial

You routinely and automatically deny yourself as a person that has any needs and may not even know what your needs are since you believe it is your role to deny self and focus on others.


Lack boundaries

You can’t say NO, stand up for yourself, or end toxic relationships, and instead rationalize why you stay in unhealthy relationships, all while you subconsciously fear to lose your identity, which may be tied to believing you are a good person because you stay and deny self.



When you lack boundaries and believe it is your job to please everyone around you, you are forced to deny self to the point of resentment and can feel STUCK inside relationships unaware subconscious codependent belief systems are at the core of your dissatisfaction with life.


Poor communication

The fear of disappointing others as well as the fear of abandonment make healthy communication nearly impossible since you do not know what your needs are or how to express them you can’t show up authentically or tolerate others feeling disappointed in you because you have needs of your own that you may wish to tend to.



You have been groomed and conditioned to believe it is your ROLE in the family to deny self and worry about others needs that cause you to seek those you can fix or rescue later on in life, which leads to intense feelings of invisibility and loneliness.


Validation seeking

Your sense of purpose comes form others needing you, and you solving their problems which reinforces your faulty sense of self and contributes to feelings of loneliness as well as reinforces a sense of entitlement in others for what they think you owe them.



You become dependent upon taking care of others for a sense of self, purpose and a meaning for lie which reinforces a negative feed back loop rooted in the denial of the authentic self.


Lisa A. Romano


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