Core truths on relationships & healing

Be the love you never received. Be the acknowledgement you never got. Be the listener you always needed. Look at the younger versions of yourself within you and give your self what it is you always needed. That is the first step of healing. If you want others to see you, you must see yourself first.

You must understand that it’s going to take a lot of people to get you there. It takes rejection and redirection. It takes loss, battles, and resiliency. It takes hurt, pain and healing. You don’t just show up at the top. You have to work for your growth.

Behind every great relationship are difficult and uncomfortable conversations we rarely get to see. Great relationships don’t just fall into our laps. They require people to move through their fears and insecurities and do the hard work to move wounds into healing.

Don’t worry so much about falling apart. It’s where you’ll learn the most about yourself.

It passes… until then, it teaches.

The extent to which you allow yourself to be seen is the extent to which you allow yourself to be loved. When you hold back, share only parts of yourself, pretend to be „fine“ when you are not, r fit into the mold you think the other person wants, you can never fully trust that you’ve been chosen and loved for all of you. The reality is, you’ve been chosen and loved for the parts you’ve brought forward.

You don’t heal because you avoid triggers. You don’t heal just because you avoid being wounded. Healing doesn’t happen through avoidance. Healing happens through deliberate and intentional brave work. Healing happens by standing in the ebb and flow of life and relationships and finding new ways to communicate your pain and being heard. Healing happens when you observe yourself in your patterns and find the moment to pivot and walk your own self to a new ending.

We can have compassion for people’s unhealed and unintegrated pain, wounding and trauma, but we also need to maintain boundaries. „I understand that you are hurting“ is different than „I allow you and accept that you will project your pain onto me“. You are not a stomping ground for others. You are a human being who can learn how to hold compassion and understanding in one hand, and accountability and boundaries in the other.

Quite possibly the most important distinction between having needs and being needy is whether it’s being driven by conscious awareness or unconscious programming.

Sometimes we’re addicted to our suffering. Sometimes we’re addicted to the chaos because it’s all we know. If you grew up with chaos, then growing out of it can be hard. Who are you without it? It’s a confronting question to ask, but sit with it anyway. Is your loyalty to a past story? or is your loyalty to creating a new way of living that both honors your past experiences and allows you peace, freedom, and expansion.

Not feeling your feelings doesn’t make them go away. Not saying what you need to say doesn’t make you not need to say it. Not taking responsibility for what you need to own doesn’t make you any less responsible. Denying yourself is a defense mechanism that helps you avoid discomfort but does not bring you to your conscious awareness. The latter becomes your awakening and moves you towards healthy change and expansion.

Learn to listen to yourself. No one else knows what’s best for you. you are your best guide, your best teacher, your best listener, your best healer.

If you don’t love or accept yourself you’ll find ways to sabotage and reject relationships that attempt to love you, accept you, and choose you. If you can’t trust the love you give to yourself you’ll never trust the love others are trying to give to you.

You don’t rise by bringing others down. You don’t rise by judging others. You don’t rise by needing to be above another person. You don’t rise by triangulating others. And you certainly don’t rise by manipulating. You rise by healing. You rise by doing your work. You rise by finding inner peace.

Losing yourself in attempt to keep someone else is one of the greatest abandonments of our time.

When we withhold information and transparency about the important details of our lives, we indirectly start choosing for others and making decisions for them.

Just because your intentions are good, doesn’t mean that you aren’t impacting people negatively. We can always mean well, but if we don’t slow down to consider how our words, decisions, and behaviors impact those around us, we run the risk of doing some serious harm. make the impact just as important as your intentions and see how your relationships begin to change.

Ask yourself this: Is what I’m about to say or do going to lead me to peace or suffering? (and then adjust accordingly).

Healing was never meant to be easy. You will be tested and tried. You will meet chaos, resistance, and confusion. And then… it hits. The brave and courageous heavy lifting leads you to surrender, clarity, and peace. Your path opens and your homecoming becomes yours to claim.

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards, and/or expectations wasn’t really stable enough to begin with.

You are not me and I am not you. That one sentence can help save so many of us time and time again. Your programming is not my programming. Your conditioning is not my conditioning. Your story is not my story. Your biases are not my biases. The mover you remind yourself of this, the more you give yourself and others a chance to be fully expressed.

Anything you lose by being honest, you never really had to begin with, my love.

The mission is to come home to ourselves. It’s to find peace in our thoughts. To find people who will do the healing work with us. The mission is to see all of ourselves and to have the courage to move it into the light and trust that the right people will join us there. The mission is to forgive the others who created the wounding or contributed to it. And to take responsibility for moving through it and transforming it into service for self and others.

Healing happens when you become aware of your programming, conditioning, trauma and wounds, and then bring loving awareness forward as you lean in to understand your own internal experience. this process of gentle exploration gives us an opportunity to begin to decide what stays and what goes, where we can begin to re-wire our programming, and decide what form our relationship to past, present, and future looks like.

Your growth is not an abandonment of others; it’s a reclaiming and finding of yourself.

Survival mode is supposed to be a phase that helps you save your life. It is not meant to be how you live.

We’re all going to suffer. You decide whether you cling to it, or whether you heal from it.

You can’t save people from their growth. You can’t keep them from their lessons. You can’t do the work for them. Even when your intentions are good, you rob others from their right to claim their suffering and transform it into healing.

Sometimes we just have to sit with the pain for a bit and not rush ourselves to find the lessons, silver lining or expansive takeaway. Yes, it’s there but it’s also not going anywhere. We don’t have to prolong suffering, but we also don’t always have to rush healing. There is information in being present to every stage.

There is a moment in every relationship where we become confronted as we move out of the honeymoon phase and into the integrated love phase. It’s when we realize our partner isn’t perfect; we see them a human, the shoe actually drops, novelty wears off, and we are let with a decision that asks us to choose whether we want to love and choose this utterly human individual in all the glory and the mess, or whether we want to walk away.

Every time you say you want something and then deny yourself of it, every time you commit to something and don’t follow through, and every time you promise yourself „never again“ and find yourself right back at the „again“, you literally teach yourself not to trust your own word.

This life is full of challenges, but none greater than finding the way out of abandoning the self. You have the capacity to rise above your wounding, to claim your voice, your worth, and your belonging. You have the strength to shatter any narrative that keeps you stuck, playing small, or believing lies others have told you because of their own suffering. You have the powert to start your reclamation. It is yours for the taking, but only yours. Decide to take your own hand and walk yourself to your transformation.

So many of us have abandoned ourselves many times over. We’ve done things that others have wanted us to do, or told us that we ought to do, even when it doesn’t jive with us. We’ve looked for external validation in order to know where we stand in this world. We’ve believed that our worthiness and deservingness comes from someone else choosing us, and forget that our worth and healing come from us choosing ourselves and reclaiming that which was always ours to begin with.

Relationship Tip: Be consistent and frequent in asking your partner about what’s going on in their internal world. Ask yourself the same question.

If you’re constantly trying to manage the emotional experiences of others, you run a higher risk of abandoning yourself, your needs, and being in tune with, and honoring what your emotional experience is requesting of you.

Your pain is not too much. People who can’t handle your pain generally aren’t able to because they haven’t handled their own. It’s not because you’re too much, it’s because what you’re bringing forward confronts them to look at their own lives and they’re not quite ready to do that.

 

Vienna Pharaon

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