Narcissists thinking cycle

Narcissists see themselves as victims no matter what. This perception gives them the right to be abusive, entitled, and unkind when others fail their tests.

Narcissists are easily agitated and then lash out with some form of aggression, stonewalling or verbal abuse.

Narcissists justify their abuse through rationalizations and blame victims for why they are abusive, thus perpetuating their victim reality.

Narcissists create stories out of thin air to justify their victim story and their abuse framing the victim as their abuser.

Narcissists are stuck in their story.

  • They use condescending words or phrases to belittle victims.
  • They rationalize emotional reactivity an easily anger when challenged.
  • They attach to narratives that justify emotional abuse.
  • They discard those who challenge their self-absorption and ego defenses.
  • They feel sorry for themselves and not victims.
  • They work to turn others agains you so they remain the victim in the drama of their lives.
  • They do not hear you nor do they empathize with you.
  • You will be conditioned to praise them, fear them, through being devalued and or discarded.
  • You will be a source of narcissistic supply.
  • As long as you don’t set boundaries, they’ll keep you around.

 

Hidden Agenda:

Find a victim who will adore me and allow me to project my unresolved anger upon them when they least expect it.

Create a trauma bond – be super kind and then super aggressive. This keeps the victim on the hook of confusion so they never leave me.

Gaslight them with condescending comments so they learn to feel riddled with self doubt and guilt. Distort reality and lie to add some extra confusion to the mix.

Train them through negative consequences to fear my reaction, thus forcing them to walk around on eggshells. This fuels my feelings of superiority and dominance, as well as control.

Attach myself to the belief that I am a victim and refuse to let go of ego defenses that permit me to live in a state of entitled superiority so that I may continue on walled off from accepting 100% responsibility for what I think, what I feel, what I do, and what I say. It is NEVER my fault for how I feel and I will find those who deep me stuck in this unconscious reality.

Imagine you lived next door to a snowman who kept throwing snowballs at you all through the summer. Imagine this snowman was so reliant on the idea that he was a victim, he needed to make everyone else an enemy. Imagine what fueled this snowman’s ability to stay cold and what prevented him from melting was HIS faulty perception of himself as a snowman. Imagine the man was not a snowman at all, but he just imagined he was.

Narcissists see themselves as victims, whether they are grandiose or appear to be more vulnerable and wounded. At the end of the day, and after some form of thwarted attempt to gain praise, adoration, sympathy, attention, or whatever, narcissists feel like threatened snowmen that might melt without their narcissistic supply.

Narcissists are easily agitated, generally disagreeable, high conflict personalities whose default setting is rooted in „I am the victim here and I do what I do because it’s your fault, so don’t blame me if I rip your head off or for why I cheat on you, lie to you, or totally annihilate your goals or dreams.

Drama tends to follow them and those who love them are often expected to be the one who makes excuses for why they refuse to take total responsibility or their emotions, reactions, promises, and mindset.

And, by the way, the drama is always someone else’s fault.

Healthy people know making excuses or hurting or disappointing people is NO BUENO and even if they screw up, they know a sincere apology WITHOUT and BUT’s to rationalize gross behavior is the way to go.

Narcissists, at the end of the day, give with one hand while taking with the other, and pretend that they are the victim, which makes it impossible for the people who deal with them to have the right to hold them accountable. Until a narcissist can live with integrity all of the time, the crazy making cycle continues.

When we are ready to let go of needing to be right and to make others wrong, we are ready to ascend to higher states of being. Narcissists, because of their personality type, fail to transition and therefore remain trapped in a world of duality, failing to recognize themselves in others. They need to play out the drama they refuse to let go of and if you are their victim, the play does not end until you awaken.

If you can see it, you can change it, refuse to become it, and rise above it.

 

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