To be really happy

Who am I doing this for?
Am I seeking approval?
Am I trying to prove myself worthy of love?


To be really happy, we have to learn to love the self, and others, without needing and relying on other’s approval, validation, and love.

When we are attached to the need to find our self worth and direction in life to what other people think, we cut ourselves off at our spiritual knees. You are enough, and your spirit needs you to mentally, psychologically, and spiritually detach from any need to make what other people think about you more important than what you think about you.

Codependency is a dis-ease of body, mind, and soul. It is invisible and yet impacts every thought, intention, emotion, decision, and action we take. Until we awaken and find those links that stink in your subconscious mind, that have you waiting for someone else to give you permission to be YOU, we all stay STUCK.

As codependents, we are people who have far more compassion and empathy for others than we do ourselves. We are often frustrated by our inability to feel comfortable in our own skin. In essence, we are emotionally arrested. If and when we act out this frustration, we will hate ourselves for doing so and fawn until we make ourselves and others sick. We simply do not know hot to express our emotions in healthy ways.

When we are codependent, we are in denial of just how codependent we really are.

Codependency and denial go hand in hand. Unhappiness is our norm and taking care of other people offers us a false sense of security and control.

Codependency is also tied to powerlessness. As children we were powerless to the whims, dysfunction, addictions, and emotional immaturity of the adults  in our lives. To feel less out of control, we learned to deny our feelings, dissociate from our fears, and fawn, rescue or take care of others.

Detaching from the self felt better than trying to stay connected to what we were feeling. Detachment from our emotions became a way of life and to survive, we became hyper focused on the needs of others.

Society, our parents, our culture, and maybe even our friends praised our selflessness. Denying our needs for the sake of others, seemed like the way to gain happiness.

Everything about this stream of dysfunctional consciousness is wrong.

Self denial means I deny myself self love, self care, self compassion, rest, a balanced diet, and a right to say NO!

Self denial means I live my life as an extension of other people’s chaotic, irresponsible, and sometimes downright abusive behavior.

Codependency recovery relies on my ability to detach from faulty beliefs and from irresponsible others so that I can find the ability to HEAR the whispers of my own essence until this essence’s voice is the dominant voice in my head.

It takes time to dissolve the language and behavioral patterns that have kept us in bondage for so long, but the path towards the LIGHT is so worth every effort it takes to reclaim our personal power.

Be brave enough to work towards becoming codependent no more!


Lisa A. Romano


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